Crash and Burn
by Seanchaidh
Summary: An alternative ending to series 5, picking up from the end of ep. 22 of s5 onwards. The site has the synopses if you can't remember what was going on then. NB: this is complete. If you liked this story, you may also like Nice Guys Don't Grow On Trees.
1. Crash and Burn Prologue

**Crash and Burn**

**Prologue**

"I don't know what I'm doing any more. The city has been at peace for six months, but still, we've no proper form of democracy back. The other tribes won't listen to me any more; or any of the Mall Rats, for that matter; not even after what happened to Jay! Mega's manipulation put paid to any ability we had left to influence the city tribes.

And look at us: a burnt-out wreck of a tribe barely able to keep our own heads above water. Jay is dead. Trudy has fled to the Eco's with Brady. Mouse left ages ago: she was the smart one! Ebony disappeared with some guy on a motorbike, although Jack assures me he's on our side. Lex seems to have disappeared off the face of the planet! Siva's gone too! May, well, who cares? We've heard nothing of her since we threw her out! Salene and I came face to face on either side of the barrier one day, back when the fence was still electrified, but she couldn't get in and I couldn't get out. We never did get a chance to say much, but she looked as though she'd been drinking. I hope she's okay.

That just leaves me and my son; Jack and Ellie, who spend so much time in their room they may as well not be here at all; Alice, who found her way back to us from the camps not long after the power went down again; Sammy and Gel! Seven people! I'm amazed we've lasted this long!

I remember the old days, when there were so many of us. I miss Dal. I miss Bray. I miss Pride. I miss Tai San. I miss Trudy and Brady. I miss Salene. I miss KC and Patsy and Cloe. Heck, I even miss Lex! I know the first four of them will never come home to us: they're gone and I pray they are at peace, But I wish the rest would. If we could only get ourselves back together, we might stand a chance. Who knows, we may even be able to bring the city back to order again.

But right now, in the middle of the night, while everyone else is asleep, the only kind of dreams I want to keep alive are the kind that come _with_ sleep. Instead, here I am, sitting in the kitchen, hugging a glass of water for comfort, unable to close my eyes."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1******

"Another drink, please, bartender," Salene cried, cheerily, "and keep 'em coming!"

"Sal?"

Salene heard someone call her name, but couldn't place the voice. She turned, rather awkwardly in her drunken state, to view the speaker.

"Lex!" she cried, "Lexy, Lexy, Lexy! Come and join me. C-come on, come and have a drink."

"Sal, are you… are you drunk?" Lex asked, walking up to her side, then taking a step back to avoid Salene's breath, which answered his question.

"No, no, no, no. Not drunk," Salene slurred, "A little tipsy, maybe, but not drunk. No. I am as sober as a judge. I'm as sober as Amber! Ha ha."

Lex watched in worried shock as Salene lifted her glass and toasted her own joke. This couldn't be good. Finding Salene out here by herself and in this state? Something had to be wrong.

"Sal, it's a bit noisy in here," Lex shouted over the hubbub of the bar, "Why don't we take a walk. We could have a chat. Catch up on old times?"

"So long as that's all you want, Lexy," giggled Sal, "Couldn't have you taking advantage of poor little me, now could we?"

"Believe me," Lex sighed, "That is not an issue!"

Once removed from the bar, Lex found he had to physically hold Sal upright. As soon as he got her outside, he was looking for a place where they could sit down and talk. He had to know why she was like this. Drinking wasn't Sal's style, not even to celebrate!

XXXX

Back in the mall, Amber was sitting at a table with Alice, feeding Bray his lunch.

"At least she's happy," Alice sighed as Jack and Ellie disappeared out of the kitchen and off to one or the other of their rooms.

"She'll remember you eventually, Alice," Amber replied, wiping Bray's mouth with a napkin, "Jack's the only one she remembered immediately, although I'm pretty sure that was Java's doing, but don't tell him that!"

"Yeah," Alice laughed, "I've never seen the little geek so happy! Though, saying that, He's not so much of a geek now, is he? He's grown up a bit while I was away."

"True. I wonder what Dal would make of him now?"

"You miss him?"

"I miss them all!"

"Me too honey, me too."

At that moment Sammy burst in and raced through the kitchen to hide behind the counter. He was swiftly followed by Gel, with her make-up half done and her usual braid hanging loose.

"Amber, have you seen Sammy?" Gel whined, "He took my hairpins! How am I supposed to look good without my hairpins!"

"Sammy," Amber shouted, "Give them back and leave Gel in peace!"

"Aw, but it's so boring around here now! No-one has any fun here! Except Jack and Ellie, if you can call that fun! I hate girls! You're boring!"

"We are not boring!" Gel called after him as he stomped out of the kitchen, "You just don't understand us! It's like in that book: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". You know? You'll never understand us, not really."

Gel continued wittering as she followed Sammy out of the kitchen. Alice and Amber looked at each other and laughed.

"I'm not so sure I'd miss them though!" Amber laughed.

"Well, you say that, but you know you would really," Alice chuckled, "they do liven the place up a bit!"

"Yeah. I wonder how long it will be before Sammy stops hating girls? That should be interesting!"

"Oh, I think he already has. It's just the girl he's got a crush on already has her man!"

"What do you mean?"

"What, you didn't see him? When they were all in here earlier?"

"Ellie?"

"Watching her all the time!"

"Aw, bless! Does Jack know?"

"I doubt it, he only has eyes for Ellie right now! I bet even his computer is feeling neglected!"

The two girls laughed and carried on chatting for most of the afternoon. Most of their afternoons were spent like this. In the morning there were chores to do. Alice went out to find food and water for them, sometimes with Jack and Ellie, and Amber would stay in the Mall, looking after Bray and trying to keep the peace between Gel and Sammy. That morning, the market had proved fruitful and Alice had been able to bring back plenty of food and drink on her own.

When Alice had first got back to them, she had been ill and it had taken a long time to get her back to her full strength. Now that she was better again, however, she seemed stronger than ever. Amber had helped her with a makeover and they often tried out new make-up or hairstyles on each other in the empty afternoons. After Alice went to bed, however, Amber was left alone. Every night she would put Bray to bed and get ready to sleep. Every night she would lie awake for an hour or so, then get up and sit in the kitchen with a glass of water or some fruit and think back over the past six months. She had done this now for about three weeks. Ever since Trudy eventually left. The only thing that had kept her here after Jay died was tending to Alice. Once Alice was better, she had packed up her things and left. Amber hadn't heard from her since. She didn't expect to hear from her either, not after what had happened with Jay.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2******

"The strangest thing happened this week, in amongst all the usual fights, gossiping and chores. It happened when Alice was out at the market one morning. I've only got what they told me to go by, but it appeared to be a very eventful morning.

The marketplace is busy and noisy at the best of times. Usually you can't spend a morning there without witnessing half a dozen punch-ups at least! Especially now that Lex is gone. That morning, however, it seemed even more boisterous than usual! There were a few arguments going on when Alice arrived, but she tells me that she never paid any attention to them. It was only after a fight had started at the bread stall that she had bothered to find out what the fuss was all about. Apparently, a new tribe, a tribe of travellers, had arrived and wanted to trade for food, but didn't find the city prices much to their liking.

A little while later, when she was at the fruit stall, haggling over some apples, another fight broke out, this time right next to her. One of the travellers had started an argument with the apple seller. As the argument descended into a whole scale brawl, Alice and another of the travellers had tried to separate the two feuding parties. It was only once the fight was over and she turned to thank her helper that she found he had disappeared.

Well, that was as much of the story as we got for a while, because Alice came right back here with her purchases. She told me what had happened and went back out to the market place with Jack in tow. Ellie stayed here and helped me put the food away before the two of us headed down to the river to wash some clothes. When we got back, we found a surprise waiting for us.

Ellie and I were chatting happily, or rather Ellie was chatting about Jack's many perfections and I was unavoidably listening, when we got back to the mall. As we walked past the fountain, Bray gurgling happily on my back, we heard voices coming from the kitchen. Ellie went off one way to deposit her clothes somewhere and I went through to my room and hung up the washing I had taken. Unstrapping my son from my back, I carried him through to the kitchen and, rather hesitantly at first, stepped into the room. What I saw made my heart leap. Alice and Jack were sitting there with not one, but two of our lost friends! Ryan and Patsy!

It seems that the travellers are a tribe formed from the survivors of the Chosen mines. They had been taken far away to mine not for coal, but for precious stones and metals. When the Chosen had fallen from power, they had got free and had joined together to form their own tribe. They had travelled around the country, visiting all the towns and cities where one or more of their members thought they had friends or family. Of course, they lost some of their number as they travelled: a lot of people, once they had found their old tribe, wanted to stay with them. When they arrived in they city, however, they were still a sizable force: that worried people. Ever since the Locos, the people of the city have been wary of large tribes. Who can blame them?

Ryan came forward and hugged me. He was still the same old Ryan, just a little bit older and a little bit wiser. Patsy also came forward, but she appeared to be much more interested in Bray and immediately asked if she could hold him. I let her, then stood back for a good look at her: she had grown up while she had been away and her clothes, hair and make-up were totally different.

"Jack's so different," she whispered to me, conspiratorially, "I mean… he's changed so much! Is he still as much of a computer geek as he used to be?"

"I don't know," I replied, "why don't you ask Ellie?"

"What?" Patsy sounded shocked, "He's still with her? Even in the mines we heard the Chosen's gossip! I never thought he'd take her back after…"

"After what, Patsy?" Ellie asked walking in behind her, "Oh don't hold back, whatever you do!"

I raised my eyes heavenward and sighed as Ellie brushed past us into the midst of the kitchen to talk to Ryan, Jack and Alice. Soon, Gel and Sammy joined us, bickering as usual. In fact, it took them a full five minutes to realise that there were two extra in the kitchen that lunchtime. Gel's reaction was to wrinkle her nose, ask who the two newcomers were, then offer them both a makeover, which Patsy flatly declined. Sammy, on the other hand, said very little and, when Patsy introduced himself and held out her hand for him to shake, he turned a rather amusing shade of crimson, gave a nervous little laugh then hurried out of the room, all thought of food forgotten!"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3******

"Lex! Let me out!" Salene screamed, pounding her fists on the wooden door.

"No way, Sal!" Lex shouted back through the door, "This is for your own good and you know it!"

"Lex, you have no right to keep me locked up in here!"

"I have every right: I'm your friend! Come on, Sal! This is me! I've been where you are now and I don't want to see you end up like I did."

"I can take care of myself!"

"No, you can't! I am getting you through this, whether you like it or not!"

"Let me OUT!"

"I'll be back with your lunch."

"LEX!"

Lex walked away, down the corridor and down the stairs into the saloon bar. Ruby was behind the bar wiping down the bar. Darryl was trying to chat up Siva and Ebony at one of the tables while Ram, now known to all as Gabe, and Slade watched Darryl's attempts with great amusement.

"How is she?" Ruby asked.

"Still thinks I'm public enemy number one!" Lex sighed in reply, settling down at the bar, "She'll get over it eventually, once the alcohol's fully out of her system. I just hope she starts eating soon."

"It's been over a week and she's hardly eaten anything! She'll take the fruit I put in her room, but she won't take anything you give her. Do you want me to try?"

"No… Actually, yeah, that might be an idea. Only if you're sure, Ruby, I don't mind getting things thrown at _me_, I'm used to it by now, but I don't want you getting hurt."

"Aw, what a charming sentiment. Don't worry Lex: I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"You know what I mean. I brought Salene here: I should be the one to take the blows."

"I know. I'm still wondering why you did bring her here. A bar isn't exactly the best place for a recovering alcoholic! Besides: when did you ever do anything that didn't benefit you in some way?"

"Hey! That's not fair! Sal's an old friend. She's in trouble and she needed my help! I had to bring her here! I couldn't take her back to the mall the way she was: she knows it too well. I'd have to lock her in the cage to keep her in the mall and there's no way I'm doing that! I couldn't take her to the Eco's either: there's not enough security, she's be permanently reminded of Pride and whatever else she may say or do right no, there is no way she would want Mouse to see her like this. Here was the only option."

"And you're _so_ well qualified to know what she would want!"

"More than you know!" Lex replied, sternly, "I'll take the food up myself, thanks."

As Lex walked away, his face like thunder, Ebony watched him, then walked over to where Ruby was angrily shaking her head and rubbing furiously at an invisible spot on the bar.

"Ruby?" Ebony asked, tentatively.

"What?" Ruby snapped.

"Are you okay? It looked like you guys just had a bit of a fight, that's all."

"What business is it of your if we did, Ebony."

Ebony looked round. Lex was gone, probably in the kitchen or outside, and everyone else was busy being amused by Darryl. She turned back to Ruby and leaned in to whisper.

"Don't be too hard on him, Ruby. What's happened to Sal has hit him hard."

"But why?" Ruby whispered back, "Were they together once?"

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Then what? Ebony, tell me! I'm trying to help him out, but it's so difficult when every other thing I say seems to be wrong! What's the big secret?"

Ebony looked around again, nervously.

"Okay, but if he's not telling everyone, then you have to promise me you'll keep it quiet. I don't know if he even told Siva and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want the other guys knowing."

"It goes no further than me and you, I promise!"

"Salene isn't the first Mall Rat to have a drinking problem," Ebony whispered, gaining a sharp intake of breath from Ruby, "Way back when we went to find the antidote to the virus, up on Eagle Mountain, there was an explosion. Lex's first wife, Zandra, _died_ in that explosion. She was carrying his child. He went to pieces. Started drinking, heavily. Soon he was a complete wreck. That's why he wants to help Sal so badly: because he knows what she's been through. Because if he can get her through this, maybe it's some sort of payment for the Mall Rats standing by him when he needed them, or maybe it just reinforces that he's over it himself. Either way, he's the best person I know to get Salene sober again."

"Oh, boy!" Ruby sighed, staring at the bar, "No wonder I put my foot in it!"

XXXX

The figure of a tall young man limped through the busy city streets. He leant heavily on his staff, his bright, torn clothing occasionally showing through the front of the heavy hooded cape he held tightly around him, praying that he wouldn't be recognised. As he made his way through the bustling market place, the crowds jostled him. There were a few fights going on, here and there. At one point, someone crashed into him, causing his grip on the cloak to slip. The hood fell back to reveal a head of bright blue hair, but, as he quickly replaced the fallen fabric, the stranger saw that everyone was too busy watching the fight to notice him.

In another ten minutes, he was out of the market place and winding his way down street after street to reach his destination. He hadn't been there for a long time. He didn't know what to expect; he didn't even know if he would be welcome, but he knew he had to go back.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4******

"It's been a busy week. Interesting, at least, but busy. The entire mall seems to have been in uproar. There have been arguments every day. Everyone's walking on eggshells. And why? Why has relative peace and utter boredom suddenly turned back to chaos? Because the one thing that could shatter the happiness of a quarter of our small tribe, happened. Luke came back.

He arrived about five days ago. Just wandered right in and collapsed beside the grill. It was Jack that found him. Ellie and I had been busy with the washing as usual. I don't know how long he had been standing there by the grill when we got there, but there he was: standing staring at the huddled, unconscious lump on the other side of the grill. Ellie was the first to realise who it was and rush to Luke's side. She was shouting at Jack to raise the grill and he just stood there, looking like a part of him had just died. Eventually I went and raised the grill. When I came back, I spoke to him, but he just blanked me and walked away.

Ellie and I managed to get Luke inside on our own, then I lowered the grill again. Luke was still alive, just, but he was very sick. We got him into Tai San's old room, on the ground floor. Ellie got the first aid kit, or as much of it as was left after the Technos, and some water and rags. I left her to it and went to talk to Jack. I think he was hoping I had stayed with Luke and Ellie had come to him, in fact I'm sure that's what he was hoping, but I couldn't do anything about Ellie.

"Jack?" I said, cautiously, hoping that this time he would answer me.

"Go away, Amber," he answered, his voice sounding drained of any life or feeling.

I didn't go away. How could I? He's my friend. And he had just left a guy to die on the other side of our grill. There was no way I was going anywhere until I knew why. Of course, I knew the main reason, but I had to know if there was anything else and I had to hear it from Jack. I knew he hated Luke, but surely not enough to stand back and watch him die?

Pulling back the curtain over the doorway, I took a deep breath and walked in. Jack was lying on his bed, one hand resting behind his head, the other lying on his stomach. I walked over and sat down next to him.

"Why didn't you raise the grill?"

"I told you to go away."

"So? When have I ever done everything I was told?"

The smile I had hoped for failed to appear.

"Amber..."

"Jack, I need to know why."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because he could have died!"

"Good!"

"Jack, I can't believe you! I knew you didn't like the guy, but I didn't think you would ever leave someone to die! No matter _who_ they were!"

"Don't like him! Amber, I hate his guts!"

"All the same, Jack!"

"No, it's not! I knew she'd run straight to him as soon as she saw him, you know that? I knew! And do you want to know why? Why she remembers him without any help from anyone, when she couldn't do that with anyone else? Don't look at me like that, I know Java helped her to remember me."

"Jack..."

"It's because she's in love with _him_."

"You don't know that..."

"Yes I do! I could see it in her eyes. She may _love_ me, but she's not _in love_ with me. It's the same old cliché."

"Maybe there's some other reason..."

"Nah. Well, there may be, but I don't know whether it's better or worse than the other!"

Jack gave a dry laugh and continued staring at the ceiling in silence. I didn't know what the other reason was, but I didn't want to ask. If he wanted me to know, he would tell me. Other than that, it was none of my business. It was a while before he spoke again.

"It was when she was in the camps," he began, "I don't know whether it was the stress or the treatment or the food or a mix of everything, but she miscarried. She still has nightmares about it or I wouldn't know."

"Miscarried? Ellie was..."

Jack just looked at me. So Ellie had been pregnant in the camps and had lost the baby. Maybe that was why she had wanted Jack to stay around so much when Luke left. Maybe that was why she went kinda crazy when he was taken. But if that was before she got back _here_, minus her memory, then that could only mean one thing: that baby had been Luke's.

In the days that followed, Ellie kept a vigil by Luke's bedside. Jack took to spending his spare hours up on the roof, away from everyone else. Patsy spent most of her time looking after Bray for me, with Sammy's eager aid, while I helped Ryan and Alice with the other chores. Gel, as usual, was too wrapped up in herself and how little attention she was getting to be of any use.

Patsy, in opposition to Gel's "pretty in pink" look, has now assumed a completely gothic style! Her hair is black with purple streaks. She wears black eyeliner, dark purple lipstick and eye shadow and purple and black nail varnish! She even has a black leather choker with a dark purple glass heart hanging from it! Sammy is totally enthralled by her and Gel is seriously not happy!

It was about the third day since Luke returned and I noticed that Jack hadn't come down to dinner. I hadn't seen him at lunch and breakfast either, but that was nothing unusual: I was an early riser and ate an early lunch, Jack was rarely up by lunchtime these past few days and usually had been eating later. I looked in his room, but he wasn't there. Making sure Patsy was okay with Bray, therefore, I grabbed a blanket and my coat and made my way up to the roof. It was getting late and it was cold outside.

When I got there, I looked round to find Jack. It took me a while, but eventually I spotted him. He was sitting on the end of the walkway that Sal and Ellie had both considered jumping from, dangling his legs over the side. I stopped where I was.

"Don't worry," he called, without turning round, "I'm not gonna jump."

I felt myself sigh with relief before walking forward once more.

"Why didn't you come down to dinner?"

"Not hungry."

"Jack, you've got to eat."

"I'll eat when I feel like eating. Otherwise, it's just a waste of food and we can't afford that in this world."

"Quit trying to persuade yourself you're doing this for our benefit, 'cause you're not!"

"So whose benefit am I doing this for, Amber," he shouted, getting to his feet and walking back to the main part of the roof, "My own?"

"Yes! You're wallowing in self-pity. Again! You're running away from the issue. Again! Jack when will you just stop running and face things head on? I know Ellie hurt you, but so far, all she's done is look after a sick, possibly dying, young man. He hasn't even come round yet! He needs someone to look after him or he will die!"

"So why does it have to be her? Why can't you look after him? Or Alice? Or Patsy: she liked the guy as I remember!"

"Oh, come on Jack! You know Ellie's the only person here that doesn't bear the guy a grudge of some sort, except Gel! You also know that she's the best nurse we have! She got Alice back in shape."

"Oh, so what do you want me to do? Stand by and watch her? Lend a hand?"

"Yes! Have you ever thought that she might need you just now? If you decide to stay up here sulking all day, you're only going to end up pushing her away."

Jack bit his lip and looked away.

"I thought you were meant to be on _my_ side!" he said, without looking at me.

"I am. That's why I'm telling you this. I know you think you've lost her already, but until Luke's awake and Ellie has told both of you her decision, we don't know that. All I know is, if you let her go now, you really _will_ lose her."

I'm glad to say he listened to me. Or, at least, he gave the impression of having listened to me. He started offering to help Ellie, even though I could see it galled him to go anywhere near Luke, let alone watch Ellie nurse him. He brought Ellie her meals, watched over Luke sometimes to let her get some sleep, talked to her, or tried to. All in all, for the past two days, he's been a different guy. But he's still hurting. _I_ can see that, even if Ellie can't."


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Come on Sal, you've gotta eat something!" Ruby coaxed, gently, sitting beside the shivering girl lying on the bed.

"I don't want it!" Salene cried, vehemently, "I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't want it…"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture!" Ruby stood up, putting the bowl of stew down on the bedside table as she did so, "I'll leave it here in case you change your mind."

Once Ruby had left, Salene rolled over to face away from the steaming bowl. Her body was shaking uncontrollably as she pulled her knees up to her chest and rocked this way and that on the bed. Tears were streaming down her face and, as tightly as she shut her eyes, she could do nothing to stop them. She was so intent upon stopping the tears that she didn't hear the door open again behind her.

Lex closed the door, quietly, behind him and walked over to his old friend. To see her in so much pain made him pause, wondering how to continue. After a moment's thought, he walked around the bed and sat down beside Salene.

"Come here," he said, softly.

Salene sat up and wrapped her arms around Lex's neck. He, in return, wrapped one arm around her waist and held her close to him, stroking her hair with his other hand.

"I can't do this Lex," the ex-City Leader sobbed into Lex's shoulder.

"Sure you can. You're strong Sal. I know you are," Lex hugged her closer, kissing her flame red hair, "You've been through so much already. You're gonna get through this. I'm gonna make sure of it."

XXXX

"Come on, Luke," Ellie whispered, "Hold on for me, please."

Jack, who had been standing in the doorway, behind Ellie as she said this, stepped forward and set a mug of tea down on the table beside Ellie's arm.

"H-how's he doing?" the words caught in Jack's throat as he spoke.

"I don't know," his girlfriend replied, "the fever's gone down, but he's still not waking up. All we can do is give him time."

"Yeah," Jack sighed as he leant against the bedroom wall, "do you want me to sit with him for a while? Let you get out of here? You could do with some fresh air."

"No." Ellie shook her head then turned to Jack, "Look, _you_ don't need to stay. Why don't you go for a walk or something?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course. You've been great, Jack, really, but you don't have to hang over my shoulder all of the time. If I need help or something, I'll shout. Don't worry. Go."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am. Now go!"

Jack took his tea and left the room, pausing only slightly at the door to glance back over his shoulder, but Ellie had turned her full attention back to Luke. As he walked along to the kitchen, Amber and Alice came in with some baskets of food.

"Where is everyone?" Jack asked as the three of them walked into the empty dining area.

"Well," Amber sighed, "last I checked, Patsy was looking after Bray and Gel was whining about her having a bad influence on him, Ellie was looking after Luke and Ryan was trying to teach Sammy how to do the laundry!"

"Ryan was trying to do what?"

"Well, you can't expect us girls to do all the dirty work!" Alice laughed, "It's about time one of you 'men' did some of your own washing!"

"Yeah… I know… but… I mean."

"She's teasing you, Jack!" Amber laughed, in a sing-song voice, "Relax."

"Oh, yeah… I knew that…"

"Besides, we'd never trust you with our laundry! Who knows what colour it'd end up!"

Jack pulled a wry face and set his now empty mug down on the counter. Amber laughed and started emptying her basket and passing things to Alice to put away.

"I could do washing," Jack stated.

"Sure you could," Amber's tone was still teasing.

"It can't be that complicated."

"Uh-huh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

As Jack rinsed out his mug and stomped out of the kitchen, Amber and Alice broke into a fit of laughter.

"That was cruel!" Alice cried.

"You started it!" Amber retorted.

"Yeah, but he expects it from me," Alice wiped the laughter tears from her eyes, "He doesn't expect it from _you_!"

"I'd better go talk to him," Amber tried desperately to stop laughing, "See if I can persuade him we were only joking."

Amber found Jack up on the roof, sitting on the end of the walkway as usual, with his legs hanging over the side and his head resting on one of the side bars.

"Please come back from there, Jack," Amber cried from the safe end of the walkway, "You know you freak me out when you sit there."

"Why don't you come out here," Jack replied, without turning round, "you know, it's not really that high."

"High enough. Please, Jack."

Jack just sat there, staring ahead at the buildings opposite. Eventually, Amber took her courage in both hands and stepped onto the metal walkway. Gripping the side bars with both hands, she slowly made her way along it. When Amber reached the part of the walkway that jets out over the side of the building, however, she froze. Jack noted the lack of noise from her sturdy boots on the walkway.

Screwing her eyes up, determined not to look down, Amber forced herself to take another step forward. As she forced her other foot forward, she felt Jack's warm hands on her bare shoulders.

"Stop. Turn. Go back," Jack ordered her, turning her round as he spoke.

With Jack's hands on her shoulders and guiding words, Amber soon made it back to the relative safety of the roof. As soon as she felt the cement beneath her feet, she relaxed. Jack walked round to stand in front of her and noticed that she still had her eyes shut.

"Y-you can open your eyes now, Amber. You're safe."

Amber opened her eyes immediately wished she hadn't. She looked straight into Jack's dark, warm brown eyes and noticed something in her friend that she hadn't quite noticed before. She immediately looked away, stammering out a 'thank you' and pulling herself out of Jack's grasp.

"I-I just came up to say sorry for the um, the um, teasing downstairs," Amber stuttered, looking everywhere except at Jack, "I-I'd better go. Alice'll be wanting a hand with those supplies."

"Amber, are you okay?"

"Yeah… yeah, fine. Just a little shaken up."

"I didn't know you were afraid of heights. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have made you walk out there if I'd known."

"I-I know. It's okay. It's not something I tend to broadcast," Amber looked up with a laugh, then looked away again, "I-I gotta go."

She hurried past Jack and through the door into the mall, leaving Jack looking slightly bemused, not to mention slightly worried, at her strange behaviour.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"What am I doing? What am I _thinking_? Jack is with Ellie. He loves her! And yet all I can think about is how much she doesn't deserve him and how much I wish I did! I don't think I'll ever forget looking right into his eyes back there on the roof. He looked so… worried about me. He cared. It bothered him that he'd made me walk out there. Okay, so he didn't physically make me, but he was the reason I did and that's good enough for Jack.

Maybe it was a stupid thing to do when you're scared of heights, but it was never that bad when I was with the Eco's and, if I didn't concentrate on how far I was from the ground, I was fine! Ever since Dal died, though… that's when it got worse. Of course Jack didn't know. None of them did. I took pains to hide it from them. Dal was the only one who knew heights made me nervous at all!

I wonder just _what_ Dal would have made of Jack now. Alice was right: Jack isn't the little geek he once was. He's taller than me, now. I remember, when we first met, he was this scrawny little kid. Now look at him! He has some muscles on his arms, if his hold on my shoulders earlier was anything to go by, never mind the rest of him! And he has the most _amazing_ eyes! They made me melt! I swear, I took one good look and just wished he would… Arg! I have to stop thinking like this! He's not available so why just make myself worse!

I used to dream that my ideal man would be someone that I could just look at, just once, and feel he knew everything about me. You know: when you're a kid you get all these romantic ideas about love at first sight and so on. None of them are real. They're just dreams. They fade away as you grow up. Now I realise that there is such a thing as love at first sight after all, but it isn't really first sight: you're not looking at the person for the first time, ever, but it feels like you are because you're looking at them for the first time in a new way. That's what happened on the roof. I looked up into those… gorgeous eyes… and realised that there was no-one, not one single person, who knew me better. I know that doesn't really make sense, but I don't have the right words to make it any easier to understand. I wish I had, then maybe I could get rid of this… whatever it is that I'm feeling for Jack. I mean… what's the point in loving a guy who's with someone else, right? Well… I say love, but… I mean… it's just a crush… It can't be love… Can it?"


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Ellie?"

Ellie looked up, hearing her name.

"Good morning, my love," she replied, leaning forward over the bed, smiling.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be!"

"I left… When you needed me most, I left…"

"But you're here now, that's all that matters."

"But…"

"No buts, Luke. You nearly died. You're not strong enough to argue, not with me!"

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

"What about Jack?"

"Oh, he's getting me some breakfast."

"No… I mean… Aren't you two together now?"

"Well, yes, sort of, but we can sort that out later."

"He looked at me as though he hated me."

"When?"

"When I arrived, before I passed out. I asked him to let me in, but he just stood there…"

"It was a bit of a shock for him, I guess… Amber and I got you in when we got back from doing the washing."

"I don't blame him. But you have to tell him about us, as soon as you can. Don't string him along like last time. I never meant for Jack to get hurt, I just wanted to be with you. I didn't think anyone could love you as much as I do, but he does and for that, he deserves to be the first to know, not the last."

"I'll tell him. I will. Once he gets back with the breakfast and I can get him on his own."

"No, now. Go now and find him. Drag him off to one side if you have to, but tell him now, before he has a chance to find out anything any other way."

Ellie sighed and shrugged her shoulders, but did as Luke had asked and left to find Jack.

XXXX

Jack was busy rummaging through the higher cupboards looking for the cereal Ellie had requested. Amber busily feeding her son, turned round to sneak a look at him, hoping that her episode other day had been a moment and nothing more. She watched him reach for the highest shelves, higher than most of them could reach so that even Jack had to stand on tiptoe and stretch. As he did so, his shirt pulled up a little to show a bit of his stomach. Amber found herself tipping her head to the side to get a better view, then shook her head and snapped out of it. Obviously the "moment" wasn't quite gone yet!

"What, um, what are you looking for, Jack?" Amber called, rubbing her fingers, irritably over her closed eyes in the hope that she wouldn't have to look him in the eye while speaking.

"Ellie asked for some cereal. I-I can't find the one she likes," Jack replied.

"Lower cupboard, second from the end," Amber said, still not looking at him.

"Thanks," her friend replied, turning back to the cupboards and leaning down to open the second last door.

Amber risked opening her eyes to check he'd got the right cupboard and immediately found her head slipping to the side again. She shook her head, viciously, and turned back to her son. Get a grip, she thought, this is Jack we're talking about here!

XXXX

"Hey there, sleepyhead!"

Ryan awoke with a start.

"Alice," he called across the room to the buxom woman standing in the doorway, "what time is it?"

"Time we were leaving for the market place!" Alice replied, laughing, "but I can see you're just as much an early riser as any other guy I've ever known, so how about I meet you in the kitchen in ten minutes and you can have some breakfast before we go?"

"I'll be down in five, thanks," Ryan grinned: he wasn't an early riser, never had been, but he was glad Alice had woken him, rather than let him sleep when he should be working.

XXXX

"Now Sal, are you sure you're ready for this?" Lex asked, pausing as he opened Salene's door for her, "you don't have to go down there if you don't want to, nobody's expecting you: I didn't tell them."

"No, I've gotta get my own breakfast some time!" Sal replied cheerily, trying to hide the worry and nervousness that she really felt; had it been anyone but Lex, she would have succeeded.

Lex looked Salene up and down. Her hands shook, but they weren't shaking as badly as they had before. She had started eating again, but she was still painfully thin and weak; Lex didn't want her overdoing herself. Salene sensed his doubts and stepped forward placing a hand on his arm and looking straight into his eyes.

"I'll be okay, Lex. I have to get out of here at some point, you know," she laughed, "Besides, I'll have you right there beside me, won't I?"

"Yeah," Lex relaxed a little and nodded his head to himself, "Yeah, I'll be there."

"Well, come on then: let's go," Sal cried, smiling, "I'm hungry!"

Lex smiled and held the door open for her then, closing it behind them, offered Salene his arm to escort her down to breakfast. She linked her arm through his with a smile and they set off together to face her toughest test yet.

XXXX

"Ellie!" Jack jumped in surprise, "I was just on my way. What's wrong? Is he…"

"He's woken up," Ellie replied, smiling.

"Oh…" Jack's brow creased, "I, um, I-I guess he's hungry?"

"No, Jack, that's not why I'm here," Ellie cast a sideways glance at Amber, determinedly trying to persuade baby Bray to eat his breakfast at the far end of the room, then looked back to Jack, putting a hand on his arm as she spoke, "Can we talk?"

"You told me I was the only one for you…"

"I know, but…"

"But what, Ellie? Why say something like that when you don't mean it?" Jack kept his voice low as he spoke to her, but the hurt rang through loudly, "Because that's what this is about isn't it? He's awake, therefore he's going to make it and therefore you don't need me around any more. You're going running back to him, just like I always knew you would."

"If you "always knew" how I felt, why did you let us get back together?"

"Because, unlike some people, when I say I love you, I mean it. When you got back here and couldn't remember anyone but me, you needed me and I loved you too much to turn you away. I thought, if _he_ never came back, we might even have a chance of being _happy_! But I was wrong. Just like I always am with you."

Jack put the tray down on the nearby table and rushed out of the room, brushing past Alice as he did so, then Ryan on his way up the stairs to his usual bolt-hole of the roof.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Why does she always do this to me? What did I do to deserve it this time? What did I ever do to deserve this? I've only ever loved her! And I loved her more than life itself! Okay, so maybe I am only eighteen: my folks would have told me I was too young to know what love was, but this is a different world. Lex is only a year older than me and he's outlived two wives already! Amber and Trudy are both mothers. Who's to say who is too young to love in this world. There are no rules any more.

That's all I can think about, sitting here, looking out over the city: the chaos. It's not as bad as five years ago, when the Locos were still going about, but it's pretty bad all the same. We've got the market place, but there's usually so much trouble there that the traders have started bringing guards with them. Those who can't afford the guards don't even bother turning up any more. Since the Techno's defeat, the hospital has been abandoned and medicines are running low. That's one area, at least, where the Mall Rats still hold the ace: we got the lion's share of the Techno's pharmacy! At least that's one good thing that came from me working for them! It's just a shame that it was bought with so much pain.

I guess I kinda figured, right from the off, along with most of the rest of us, I think, that Jay would end up going back to Amber and Trudy would end up getting her heart broken, yet again. I never thought the consequences could be so... so lethal! In the end, Amber was lucky to get out of it alive! She still blames herself entirely, but she doesn't know of Trudy's involvement. Heck, I only know about that because I overheard it on the monitors while I was working at the hotel! Nobody else knows. There's no point in telling them: the past is past and Trudy's gone.

I doubt she'll ever leave the Eco's now. As long as she's there and I'm here, she need never know that I know. I could tell from her face, when she saw Jay fall, that that in itself was punishment enough. The last thing she needs to know, right now, is that someone else knows why it hurt so much. That's why, when she left and Amber begged me to go after her, I refused. That's why I came up here that first time to watch her leave. That's why I come up here now whenever I need to be alone with my secrets.

My secrets?

Huh.

What secrets?

Ellie can read me like an open book. She always could. The only secret she doesn't know isn't mine, it's Trudy's. And I keep it for her. That's all. Everything else about me, she knows already. Maybe that's why it hurts so much.

So here I am.

This is what I do though: I come up here, feeling like I want to scream or hit something, and I look out over the city and think of other things; of more important things, like getting this city back to rights. I can never just sit here and think of whatever is bothering me and just get it out of my system, like normal people do. I have to put it off and put it off until it's driving me insane! Like with Ellie: I knew from the moment that blue haired git dragged himself up to the grill that I'd lost her again, I just kept trying to persuade myself that she was just doing her duty to help a sick man and he would either die or get well and go on his way and she'd stay here and we'd be fine. I even let Amber talk me into helping her! And now, it's just like I thought: he wakes up and I'm history!

False hope: the opium of the masses. If you want something to be true, if you wish for it enough, it is. It's solid gold truth. Right up until reality steps up and smacks you one in the face And it's usually wearing knuckle dusters!"

XXXX

"Oh hell! I should have known that was coming. I bet Jack did! I couldn't hear what they were saying, but with Jack storming off like that, I think the exact wording is rather irrelevant! Alice and Ryan headed off to the market, but not before Alice had a little set-to with Ellie! She asked her what was going on, in total Alice manner, and Ellie snapped back at her that it was none of her business!

"Well, you know you can always come talk to me if you need to," Alice told her.

"Who do you think _you_ are, my mother?" Ellie snapped back and then just stormed off with her breakfast.

Alice just sighed and said quietly, "No, Ellie, I'm your sister," and stared at the counter until Ryan came up and put an arm round her and gave her a hug. It's really hit her hard, the fact that Ellie doesn't remember her. She recognises her, just like she recognises the rest of us, but she doesn't know her. Not like she knew Jack or Luke. She doesn't know how big a part of her life Alice really was before, well before she lost her memory. Ellie hurts her so much. Alice doesn't deserve that.

Neither does Jack.

Funny how one girl can cause so much pain. Alice at least has Ryan's support: they've gotten quite close since he got back. Who does Jack have? Me, I suppose. But not in the way I'd like. Not right now anyway. I should really go up there after him, now that Patsy has finally surfaced to look after Bray. Gel's sulking behind a fashion magazine somewhere because Sammy's still trailing after Patsy. Ellie's with Luke and she's the last person I want to see right now anyway. Alice and Ryan are out at the market. There really isn't much else I can do right now. I'm just dawdling. Putting off going to comfort one of my best friends because I don't trust my feelings for him any more.

I'm only being selfish. I know I should really be there, giving him a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to, but I'm scared. I'm scared that the moment I look at him, I'll just want to grab him and tell to forget all about Ellie; tell him that she's not worth it, that he deserves more. Tell him I lo...

But I can't.

Even if I didn't, he might spot it. What if he guessed how I felt about him? What if he thought I was just there to get him on the rebound? I'd never do that. What if he thought I would, though? He might never speak to me again!

Oh, get a grip, Amber!

Stop panicking!

It's just Jack.

The same Jack you've known ever since you first arrived in this mall. And he needs you now. He needs someone, anyway. And you're it."


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Salene sat opposite Lex at the small table in the saloon in Liberty. She picked at her food delicately, moving it around the plate to try and give the impression she was eating it.

"What? Don't you like it?" Lex asked, watching Sal as he ate his own food, "I promise I had nothing to do with the making of it!"

Salene smiled briefly, then put her fork down at the side of her plate.

"I'm just not that hungry, Lex," she replied.

"That's normal. Try and force yourself to eat some more. You need your strength, even if your appetite doesn't think so. It'll come back to you in time."

Salene smiled again and picked up the fork. She ate a few more mouthfuls, then put her fork down again. She would try again in a little while. Her body just wasn't used to proper meals at proper mealtimes anymore.

At the bar, Ruby poured a drink for a customer, cast a glance over at Lex and Salene's table, then turned to put the bottle back. She jumped when she felt a pair of strong arms encircle her waist, almost dropping the bottle.

"Gabe!" Ruby hissed, trying to sound annoyed and failing miserably, "I could have dropped that!"

"Then I would have cleaned it up for you," Gabe replied, feigning mock innocence, "C'mon Ruby, you work too hard! All work and no play makes Ruby a dull girl!"

"Perhaps I wouldn't have to work so hard if I got some help out here once in a while!"

"Now, Ruby, sweetheart, I do my bit! Haven't I made a lovely dinner for you and all your customers?"

"It's not you I'm talking about, Gabe," Ruby turned to look at her boyfriend and instinctively reached up to fix his now messy black and red hair: the red-tipped crown of Ram was gone, as was the Techno uniform and markings; his hair was the way he had always worn it in reality space and his new clothes and markings disguised the, still unpopular, person he had once been.

"Then who?" he asked.

"Oh, Siva! And Darryl! And Ebony! And Slade, whenever he's actually here!"

"Ebony and Slade I… well… let's just say bar work ain't their kind of thing. As for Darryl, well, would you really want him behind here? But Siva? No, Siva pays her way. I don't know why she's not pulling her weight."

"And you just have to know everything, don't you!"

"All part and parcel of being a genius, my love," Gabe laughed.

XXXX

"Give it back!" Patsy's yells carried through the entire mall.

"What in the world is going on up there!" Alice cried from the kitchen.

"Whatever it is, they'd better have a good reason for it!" Amber snapped, annoyed at being roused from a rather pleasant daydream, before storming out of the café towards the fountain and the stairs.

"I'd better go make sure no lives are lost!" Ryan joked, leaving Alice standing in the kitchen beside the kettle.

The kettle boiled and clicked off.

"I'll just wait here then, shall I," muttered Alice.

Amber and Ryan raced up the stairs and headed for Patsy's room, from which all manner of screams and whines were emanating.

"Get off me!" Patsy yelled, to person or persons as yet unknown.

"Patsy?" Amber's worried shout preceded them to the room and received the age old reply:

"She started it!"

Amber stopped running and sighed. Not another argument! What was it this time? The wrong colour of mascara?

"Come on," Ryan sighed, beside her, "Let's go split them up. Again!"

They walked the rest of the way to Patsy's room. When they rounded the corner to peer through the doorway, Amber couldn't help but smile at the scene before her.

Sammy was desperately trying to hold back a raging Patsy, while Gel sat on the bed, with her back to the door, flicking through what looked like a normal book, but Amber was pretty sure was Patsy's journal. Gel had a scratch down one side of her face and her usually perfect makeup was smudged, but she was humming and trying to appear as nonchalant as ruined makeup would allow. Sammy was quietly pleading with Gel to leave the book alone. He half-turned to see Amber and Ryan in the doorway, Amber's eyebrows raised in warning, and eased his hold on Patsy. Patsy, who was so intent upon Gel, reading her diary, that she did not see the newcomers and darted forward, straight for Gel. She snatched the diary away and threw it across the room, slapping Gel hard in the face at the same time. Gel shrieked and grabbed at Patsy's hair. The pair were still scratching and tugging each other's hair when Ryan strode across the room and lifted Patsy off her feet and up into the air.

"_What_ is going on here?" Amber yelled, her voice livid.

"She hit me!" Gel wailed, pointing to the smudged and reddening cheek in evidence.

"She read my diary!" Patsy yelled, "Nobody is allowed to read my diary!"

"She wouldn't answer my question!" Gel replied, as if that were explanation enough.

"It was none of your business!" shrieked Patsy.

"Sammy? What happened?" Amber asked, aware of Patsy still struggling, vainly, in Ryan's grasp.

"P-P-Patsy was writing and G-G-Gel asked her what she was doing," Sammy stuttered, keeping his distance from Patsy's flailing legs, "and Patsy said 'nothing', so Gel took the book. Patsy told her to give it back…"

"We heard!"

"But G-Gel wouldn't, so Patsy hit her and tried to get the book back and then they fought and I pulled Patsy off her and told her to give the book back but she wouldn't…"

"I see…" Amber sighed, "Gel! Out! Go to your room and stay there. I'll talk to you in a minute! Sammy, go downstairs and get a cup of tea: Alice was making some when all this started."

The other two having left, Ryan put Patsy back down on her feet, but took care not to let go of her entirely.

"You, madam," Amber began, "had better start learning to control your temper!"


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Yet another day gone by with no less than three major squabbles between the two Princesses of light and dark! I feel sorry for Sammy: he's usually _first_ in the firing line! Patsy has actually moved out of her old room and up a level to one of the old offices with a door. I think it was the Guardian's room before! I wonder if she realises! Gel has, yet again, changed her image! The pink is, mercifully, paler this time, though! She's also added some new fake nails that she found and painted them the same shade. In response, Patsy has swapped her old top for another black one with lacy, medieval type sleeves and a cut away midriff and has painted black and silver diagonal stripes on her nails! Gel got rid of the butterfly thingies round her eyes; Patsy added enough black eyeliner to make Zoot proud!

Urgh! I think I'm going mad! My son is the only thing keeping me sane right now! When I don't have little Bray to concentrate on, and sometimes even when I do, I find myself either breaking up fights or day-dreaming about... Sheesh! Why can't I get the guy out of my head! It's not like I spend every waking minute of every single day around him or something! He's not right there in front of me, distracting me all the time! Far from it! In fact, _miles_ from it! I hardly ever see him!

Maybe I'm just... worried about him. The way... friends... worry... about... each other. The... normal... way. Y'know?

I mean, I've a right to be worried, haven't I? He _is_ my friend, after all. And he does spend a lot of time on his computer or up on the roof. I hardly ever see him at meals. I don't even know if he's eating at all, let alone properly! A real friend would worry at that, right?

Argh! This has to stop! I mean, what am I thinking! It's Jack! Y'know? The little... skinny... clumsy... geek! With the lisp and the terrible dress sense that trapped Lex, Ryan and Zandra in the grills when we all first met! He's still the same guy! The guy that invented the water purifiers and didn't stop calling himself a genius for months after! Come to think of it, he still does that now, _years_ after!

But there are times when he just... _does_ stuff and... _says_ stuff that just... I don't know... makes me realise: he's _not_ the same anymore. He's grown up, I guess. He's changed. And in way too many _good_ ways! But he's still, underneath it all, the same old Jack... who knows me through and through.

Does that even make sense?

I don't know.

Nothing makes sense to me right now.

Normally, I'd talk to Alice, or even Ryan, but I can never seem to find either of them! Of course, if it was anything else that was bothering me right now, I mean, if it was just Gel and Patsy and the fashion wars, for example, I'd go straight to Jack! I can't do that now. Now the way I'm feeling right now! He'd see right through me. He can do that you know: tell when I'm lying. Oh, sure, I could talk to him about the girls and he'd cringe and laugh and only half pay attention half the time, but then he would ask if anything else was bothering me. And that's when I would have to lie. And he'd spot it.

I'm so terrified he's going to figure it out the next time he even looks at me! The last time I saw him was the last time I went to try to talk to him. About a week ago now! He was working on some gadget and muttering to himself, like he does. I stood in the door way for an age, just watching him. He didn't even know I was there until he dropped something and had to look round.

"Ah, Amber, how long have you been there?" he had asked.

I had been grinning stupidly and, to my mortification, I actually giggled in reply!

"What? Eh, wh-what's funny?" Jack stammered.

"It's... um... just nice to see you back to your old self, that's... um... that's all," I lied.

He knew it was a lie, I could tell by the way he looked away from me. That sobered me up a bit. It also made me forget why I was there in the first place!

"I... um... just wondered... um... er... I wondered... what... I mean if... um... if you wanted a cup of tea or something?" I stammered, desperately trying to focus on something other than Jack!

"No, I'm fine, thanks. A-Amber, are you alright?"

"Yeah,I'mfine,whywouldn'tIbe?" I blurted out, quickly. Far too quickly!

Jack's brow creased as he looked me over. I rubbed the back of my neck and started to find the ceiling fascinating! I heard him get up and walk over to me. He grabbed my hand so that I turned my gaze back to him. I gave a half smile, rather nervously: part of me was terrified he would be able to see exactly what was running through my mind at that moment, with him so close, while the rest of me was wishing it wasn't just another day-dream! He looked me right in the eye.

"You know, if you need to talk or anything, I'm right here," he said, softly.

I couldn't stop myself: I hugged him! I think he was a little surprised, but I don't think he guessed, not from that. I don't know how long I stood there, holding him close, part of me wishing he knew why, part of me dreading what might happen if he ever found out! He didn't pull away from me. I think he kinda figured that I just needed a hug and that was all that was wrong. I hope that's what he thought anyway! I swear, when I finally did pull away from him, I nearly kissed him! Not even Jack could have missed that clue! Instead I just said I was "fine, thanks" and walked away.

I don't know what'll happen next time I see him. I have this frustrating feeling that I won't be able to say a word and then everyone will know and I won't be able to look any of them straight in the face again. Perhaps I should just pack up and leave! Get out of here while I still can! Go to the Eco's and try and make things up with Trudy. See if I can find Salene or Lex! Anything but sit here and think about Jack!

I suppose I should really go and get some dinner, but I'm not hungry. Besides, what if _he's_ there? And anyway, it's not like I have that big an appetite these days: I hardly eat anything! It's not like I need much: I just stay here on babywatch, ever since Ryan and Alice said they would do all the foraging. The only energy I use up is feeding my son and splitting up the terrible two, and that's only when Alice and Ryan aren't here and Sammy can't manage! The rest of my time is spent lying here, on my bed, with Bray in his cot next to me, day-dreaming about Jack."


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Amber packed the last of her things into her rucksack and hoisted it onto her back. She had wrapped Bray up in his warmest clothes and now she wrapped a blanket round him too: winter was drawing near and she didn't trust the weather to stay good all the way to the Eco camp, if she could even find it! Lifting her son onto her hip, she headed out into the hallway and down to the exit. She paused to place a letter in a sealed envelope on the wall of the Phoenix fountain, then lifted the grill and strode out of the doorway, stopping only to pull the grill back down behind her as she disappeared out of the mall.

Jack, having moved back to his own room on the ground floor, near the fountain, heard the grill go up, then down again, and got up. Pulling on a pair of trousers he headed out to investigate, but found no-one. It was a few moments before he saw the note. Picking it up, he opened the blank envelope and read its contents. His brow creased as he read the final signature. Folding the note, he headed up the stairs to Ryan's room but stopped short as he heard female giggling coming from inside. At first he thought it was Ellie, but there was something different about the laugh and, besides, Ellie and Luke's room was over the other side of the old cafe. As the realisation hit him, Jack's eyebrows shot up his forehead and he turned on his heel and headed back downstairs, muttering "Maybe later then!" to the air in general!

XXXX

"Siva! Where are you going?" a voice whined quietly from over Siva's shoulder.

"What? I have to go before anyone else is awake! You know that!" she replied, fixing the high collar of the top she was wearing.

"But I'll miss you!" the voice whined back as two arms gently enfolded her waist, "I always miss you when you're not around."

"Darryl!" Siva giggled as Darryl kissed her shoulder and worked his way up to her cheek, "Stop it! I have to go! Somebody might see me!"

"And would that be such a bad thing?" Darryl cried with mock indignation.

"You know why I want to keep this secret! For now anyway! What with having my wonderfully meddlesome sister around, as well as Lex! Let's at least get one of them out of the way before we tell everyone!"

"Siva, Ebony is not going to try and steal me away from you! She much prefers Macho Man, Slade, to me! And as for Lex, who cares what he thinks?"

"Darryl," Siva laughed, turning to face Darryl and running her fingers through his messy hair, "Lex doesn't think, that's his problem. He just does things! And if he still thinks there is any chance of him and I getting back together, he might just see you as trying to steal _his_ girl and he might just try to do something about it. I don't want him to hurt you!"

"So what if he does!" Darryl cried, dropping down to his knees, theatrically, "With you by my side, nothing can hurt me! Not even Lex!"

"Get up, silly! Just go with me on this one, okay?"

"Only for you, my darling, only for you," Darryl sighed, still on his knees and looking up at her in adoration, "I am your humble servant, always, but may this humble servant claim one more kiss before he loses your company for what must seem an eternity?"

Siva laughed and knelt down beside him to kiss him, gently. Darryl slid his arms around her and held her close, deepening the kiss. Eventually they parted and Siva got up and slipped out of the door before Darryl could say anything else to keep her there.

XXXX

"No! Pride! No!" Salene cried out in her sleep, her cries waking Lex in the next room.

Throwing on his clothes, Lex hurried through the adjoining door to Sal's bedside. He gripped her shoulders and shook her.

"Sal! Sal, wake up! It's just a nightmare!" Lex cried as Salene turned her head this way and that.

"No, let me go! Let me go to him! I have to go to him!" she cried.

"_Sal!_" Lex shouted, waking her at last.

Salene sat up and fell, sobbing, into Lex's arms.

"Sshh, it's okay," he whispered, softly, stroking her vibrant red hair, "It was just a nightmare."

"It was so real! It felt so real!" Salene sobbed.

Lex didn't know how long he sat there, holding Salene, stroking her hair, until the sobs subsided. He heard one set of footsteps go past the door to the corridor, but going in the direction of the bedrooms, not of the bar. Eventually, when the sun was fully up and he heard more movement in the corridor, Salene pulled away from him. She grabbed a handkerchief from the side of the bed and dabbed at her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lex," she sniffed, "I shouldn't be putting all of this on your shoulders."

"Hey, hey, don't worry about it!" Lex shrugged, "It's what I'm here for: I don't do things I don't want to without someone holding a gun to my head! You know that! I guess it's my... reason for being, just now."

Salene smiled.

"Your _Raison d'etre_!" she said more cheerfully.

"My what?" Lex's brow contracted in confusion.

XXXX

Ruby awoke to find the bed next to her empty but for a red paper rose. It had been carefully and exquisitely hand made, but it was obviously not real: you just didn't get them round here any more. She picked up the rose and found a note wrapped round it's stem; it read: "Don't move, you're perfect just as you are."

Smiling, Ruby picked up the rose again and twirled it in her fingers. Just then, the door opened and Gabe walked in carrying a tray laden with breakfast dishes.

"And now Madam, on the _carte du jour_," he started, setting the table up across her lap as she sat up, leaning against the headboard, "We have _les œufs brouillés avec le pain grillé et la jus d'orange_."

"Scrambled eggs and toast with orange juice?" Ruby translated as Gabe whipped the tea-towel cover off of the tray.

"_Mais oui, ma cherie_." Gabe replied, leaning across and kissing Ruby softly on her forehead.

XXXX

Jack was sitting at a table, drinking coffee, when Alice and Ryan finally showed up. Sammy was at a table further back, desperately trying to engage Patsy in conversation as she filed her nails nonchalantly. The three remaining others still had not surfaced for the day. Ryan sat down next to Jack while Alice went to get their breakfast. When she finally sat down, passing Ryan his bowl of oatmeal, Jack gave up on the poor excuse for a conversation that he had been trying to hold with Ryan and lapsed into silence. When the two had finished their morning meal, Jack pulled the note from his shirt pocket and passed it over to Alice. She read it in silence, a grim look replacing the beaming smile that had graced her face when she and Ryan had entered the room, then passed the note to Ryan. He frowned at her unhappy countenance and opened the note to read it. When he had finished, he looked up and turned to Jack.

"Did she give you this herself?" Ryan asked.

"Nah..." Jack shook his head, glumly, "I heard the grill and by the time I got there, she'd gone already. I found it on the wall of the fountain."

"Well, do you suppose she'll come back?" Alice queried, quietly.

"Not unless she has to," Ryan replied, "She and Bray will probably be safer out there. There isn't much she can do here any more. There's no reason for her to stay."

"There's us!" Jack retorted.

"But are we enough of a reason?" Ryan countered, "There are only eight of us here. The Mall Rats are scattered. Al and I have taken over the food runs. All Amber has left to do here is break up the fights! Besides, who knows how many of our number are with the Ecos now? Mouse, Trudy and Brady, certainly, and maybe others: Salene, May, Lex?"

"Y'know, mate, I can't really see the Ecos being Lex's scene," Jack laughed, "or May's for that matter!"

"Maybe not but Trudy's there. She and Amber were like sisters: surely she'd want to stay with her?"

_That all depends..._ thought Jack.

"That still doesn't explain why she left all of a sudden, without a word to any of us," Alice cut in.

Jack wrinkled his brow.

"Wh-what d'you mean?" he muttered, only half concentrating on the question.

"Well, surely, if it was something as simple as wanting to see Trudy, she would have told us face to face. I mean, why go to all the trouble of writing and leaving a note when she could have just told us?"

"May-maybe she wanted to leave early and didn't want to disturb us?" Jack offered.

"But she could have told us the night before! Well, maybe not us," Alice grinned across at Ryan sheepishly, "but at least she could have told you! Did you see her at all last night?"

"I..." Jack cast his mind back to an incident the day before when he had last seen Amber, "I did, yeah."

"And?" Ryan and Alice asked simultaneously.

"Sh-she seemed a bit... spaced out or something... I dunno, like she was thinking about the answer to some really difficult exam question or something."

"And did you speak to her at all?" Alice coaxed with a tired tone.

"Well, a little. I mean... I said hi, but she just jumped three feet in the air and went bright red so I just... I just left again," Jack shrugged, sheepishly.

Alice frowned, then looked at Jack curiously.

"She did what?" she asked, sounding slightly surprised.

"She.. jumped," Jack answered, backing off a bit from Alice, who had a distinctive I-know-something-you-don't-know look about her, "Like she had been startled."

"And went what colour?"

"Bright red. Alice, what...?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" Alice replied quickly, smiling, "You never know, she might change her mind."

_She might well change her mind if Trudy feels the urge to confess like she usually does!_ Jack thought, still puzzling over Alice's questions.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"I've walked most of the morning and my feet are killing me! Bray won't settle. He's probably too warm, but I don't want to risk taking off a layer or two in case he gets too cold: the weather looks as though it could turn at any moment. At least we're well on our way to the Eco camp, if they haven't moved it again. I know Hawk said that I wouldn't be welcome if I ever tried to find them again, but now that Trudy's there, I can only hope she's changed his mind.

I tried to get Bray to eat something a little earlier, when I stopped for breakfast, but he wouldn't take anything. I'll try again later, when I stop for lunch.

They'll all know by now. I wonder who was first to find the note. I hope it was Alice: she'll understand at least a little of why I left. I hope it wasn't Jack.

Jack.

So far I've managed to spend the entire morning concentrating on how to get to the Gaians, whether my son is too hot or too cold, whether the weather will change, whether Hawk will let me join them again and as many other worries as I could think up to keep him out of my head. Now, though, when I've run out of things to go over a dozen times, he's back. Back in my head and refusing to leave it!

I can't help it! I worry! I worry if everyone's okay, then I worry if he's okay, then I think about him sitting up there on the roof, then I think about the time he found out about my fear of heights and then I just can't stop thinking about him!

At least living in the Eco camp there is plenty of work to keep my mind off him, if they let me stay of course!"

XXXX

"I just don't get it.

I mean, I know why she left: it was all in the note. I understand her reasons. But they were all there before. What's changed? What's so different now that she feels she has to pack up and leave while we were all still in our beds? Without even saying goodbye? It's not like her.

Maybe she had word from Trudy?

I don't know.

Surely if she had, she would have mentioned it? Especially if it was so urgent that she had to leave right away.

Maybe I'm missing something. Alice certainly seemed to know more about it that I did. Maybe she talked to Alice about it before. But why would Amber talk to Alice and not me too? Unless I was too preoccupied to listen.

Maybe that's it. Maybe she did talk to the others, but not me because I was too wrapped up in my own problems. Maybe that's why she came to see me that time she said she needed a hug. Then it's my own fault. I've been so busy feeling sorry for myself, I never even noticed that my friend, no, my _best_ friend, was thinking of leaving!

And now she's gone!

And I didn't even get to say goodbye.

And it's all my fault."

XXXX

"Well, we made it. Just as the light was starting to go, I came across a little track leading through the forest. It was small and hard to see, but it was made by human feet and fairly recently too, so I followed it. Soon I couldn't see the path any more, but I could see the glimmer of a campfire ahead of me, so I headed for that.

Bray was sleeping soundly by this time and when we got to the camp and Trudy came rushing over to us, she woke him up and he started crying. That told everyone we'd arrived so Hawk decided that they would vote there and then on whether or not I could stay. Eventually it was decided that we could stay the night at least, and anything more would be decided in the morning.

Trudy showed me to her hut and sorted out a place for Bray and I to sleep, then launched into a lecture about my travelling so far in one day with my baby. Normally we would split the journey into two easy halves, but I had wanted to get here as soon as I could and the pace of the journey at least did something to take my mind off you-know-who.

Mouse and Brady are fine, Trudy tells me, but asleep, as I should be. She hasn't seen Salene though, nor has Mouse, not since she left Mouse with the Gaians all that time ago. They haven't seen any of the others in fact: not May, not Lex, not Ebony. No-one!

Trudy had so much news to tell me, I could hardly get a word in edgeways! It's weird. I mean, I know she's happy to see me and so on, but that's no reason to tell me every word of Leo and Wolf's discussion on when the first snow is going to fall this winter! It's so strange hearing Trudy talk of snow! We hardly ever got it down in the city, but up here, where the land is higher up, you do sometimes get it.

I guess, if it does snow and we get snowed in, it could be really serious, but that still doesn't explain why Trudy hasn't said a word about everyone back in the mall. You'd think she would want to know how they are. I guess she just thinks I'm tired out from my journey and is trying to bore me to sleep or something! Well, the first half of that, anyway!

I don't suppose it matters. There'll be plenty time to catch up on what's been happening at the mall tomorrow. Besides, I am tired. I just hope I don't dream: if I do, it'll only be about him."


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The morning passed and still Trudy never asked Amber about everyone at the mall. Gradually, a week passed and Amber had managed to get across the news that Alice was well again and that Ryan and Patsy were back. She once started telling Trudy what she thought would be a funny story about one of Patsy and Gel's fights, but Trudy interrupted her saying that she had a lot of work to do. She always had a lot of work to do! More and more, Amber noticed that Trudy was spending less and less time with her. Even when she was there, she rarely looked at Amber any more, preferring to watch her daughter or her nephew, or even just the campfire, to looking her friend in the eye as they talked.

Something wasn't right. Amber knew something wasn't right, but she had no idea what it was. She wondered if she had offended Trudy in any way by turning up at the camp so late in the evening, they had no choice but to let her stay the night at least. She decided that, whatever it was, she would have to confront Trudy about it: her avoidance of speaking to or looking at Amber was getting so pronounced that even Bray and Brady were starting to notice. Amber was sure that Mouse and Hawk had already noticed, but while Mouse seemed just as confused as Amber, Hawk seemed to know more.

"Hawk?" Amber called across to the young Gaian, "Have you seen Trudy?"

"I think she went for a walk," the young man replied, looking first at the sky, then at Amber.

"What's going on Hawk?"

"What do you mean, Amber? I see nothing 'going on'. No more that nature, anyway."

"You know exactly what I mean! Don't lie to me Hawk: you're terrible at it! Why is Trudy avoiding me? Ever since I've been here, if I try to start a conversation with her she finds some excuse to be away. Even when she is there, she never looks at me! What is it? Is it something I've done?"

"No, Amber, you must not think that."

"Then what should I think?"

"It is not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it, Hawk? Tell me why Trudy's like this; I know you know!"

"I never said that I did not. But what I know I was told in confidence. It is not my place to tell you."

"So I must ask Trudy?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me where she is so that I can go ask her!"

Hawk sighed. There were times when Amber had suited the name of Eagle: she soared high and proud above the crowds, being kept afloat by her willpower and her dream of building a better world for her son. Other times, she was so unsuited to any Gaian name that it was difficult to believe that the two were the same person: she was impatient, pushy and, from what he heard of her while she was back in the mall, almost always calling on some guy, Jack, to check the alarm, make more sensors, or make some technological gadget that would never be welcomed in the Eco camp. He didn't know the guy, but the mere fact that he apparently spent his entire days surrounded by technology, rather than nature, was enough to convince Hawk that they would never get along.

He had heard Amber talk about this Jack for most of the week that she had been with them. He knew about Jack's relationship with Ellie and Luke's return. He knew how Jack had reacted when Luke turned up, then later when Ellie was nursing him and then later again, when he heard them talking and, finally, when Ellie had told Jack they were over and that she loved Luke. He also knew most of the story of Luke and Ellie's affair when Jack had been sent away by the chosen and even after he returned. He felt sorry for the guy, no-one should have to go through that, especially not twice, but that was all. Amber had told him all about the gadgets Jack had rigged up at the mall: the water purifiers, the alarms system, the grill lock. She had told him all about Jack's part in bringing down the Technos: how brave he was to go in there undercover. That, of course, led on to how brave he was saving them all from that bomb that Java put in Ellie's pack when she sent her back to the mall.

It was plain to Hawk that Amber could rarely think of anything else. Perhaps that was her reason for coming back to them: to get away from the man she, clearly, loved, but who was still too much in love with someone else to love her back. If she had thought that coming here would help her forget him, however, she was very definitely mistaken as it seemed that the only time she spent not thinking about him were the times she spent trying to find and talk to Trudy. It was also clear to Hawk that Amber's biggest reason for finding and talking to Trudy was so that she could relate all of Jack's charms to someone who actually knew him and would know who she was talking about, as well as being able to, possibly, offer her some advice!

"She went to the river," Hawk told Amber, sighing, "Go, speak to her if you must."

"Thank you."

Amber turned on her heel and headed off towards the river. Mouse was looking after Bray, so she didn't have to worry about his presence if she and Trudy fought, and she had seen Brady with another of the Gaian girls, so her presence would not be a worry to her either.

In five or ten minutes walking, Amber had reached the river and could see Trudy sitting on a rock by the back, staring at the water.

"Anything interesting in there?" Amber called out, still a little distance away.

Trudy looked up. She saw Amber and hurriedly wiped her eyes, smudging some of her make-up in the process.

"Oh, I'm just day dreaming, you know," she called back cheerily.

"Uh-huh," Amber replied, arriving at Trudy's side, "then why were you crying?"

"Oh, nothing. Just, you kow, memories."

"Of Jay?"

"Y-you could say that."

"It's okay. I know it can't be any easier for you that it is for me. Worse perhaps, because you weren't there. You never had the chance to say goodbye."

Trudy laughed. It was a little, wry laugh. It made Amber frown.

"What? What's so funny? What did I say?" Amber asked, still frowning.

Trudy looked away. Inside she remembered the feelings of that day. The jealousy, the spite, the hatred. She remembered every detail perfectly. Oh yes, she was there. But she still never had the chance to say goodbye.

"Thank you for bringing my nephew to see me, Amber," she said, without looking up, "but I really think you should go home now."

"What? Trudy, why? You're not still bitter over me and Jay? It's been months! He's dead Trudy! There's no point in arguing which of us loved him more, he's gone!"

"You think I don't know that?" Trudy exploded, "I know it better than anyone! But he shouldn't _be_ dead, Amber. _You_ should! That laser was aimed at _you_, not him!"

Amber recoiled, as if Trudy had struck out and punched her.

"What?"

"If he hadn't seen me and moved you out of the way, _you_ would be the dead one, Amber, not _him_! Then maybe, just maybe, he would have come back to _me_!"

Amber, shaking her head in shock, turned and ran. She didn't stop running until she got to the camp. When she got there, the tears finally came. Hawk rushed over to her side and gathered her up into his arms as she collapsed by the campfire. He carried her into the hut she shared with Trudy and set her down on the bed. Mouse stood at the doorway for a second, holding a sleeping Bray in her arms, then moved away before the baby awoke to the sound of his mother's tears. Hawk sat with Amber until the tears subsided and she merely stared, blankly, ahead of her. He gave her a cup of water and she sipped at it slowly.

"Try and get some sleep," he ordered her.

"In the next bed to the woman who tried to kill me?"

"She won't sleep here tonight, I'll see to that."

"She was like a sister to me!"

"Amber, sleep. I know it's hard, but you must try. You will need your strength."

"I can't stay here."

"No."

"I must leave, I have to leave," Amber got up to gather her things, but fell back down again, onto the bed.

"You don't have the strength to go now: you're worn out. Sleep now. Leave in the morning. I will see to it that everything is ready. You will not have to see Trudy again."

"How can you let her stay here?" Amber asked turning her gaze to focus on the Gaian leader, "She's a murderer!"

"She is and may be many things, but it is nature's place to judge, not ours. Perhaps nature had a reason for bringing her to us. Perhaps she has a purpose yet to fulfill."

Amber looked at him, sadly, then nodded and lay down to sleep. Hawk pulled a blanket over her and stood up. As he walked to the door, he was met by another Gaian. The other man whispered a few words in Hawk's ear and handed him a piece of paper. The leader looked down at the paper and, gravely, read it's contents. Looking up again and sighing, he turned, looked sadly at Amber, sleeping on the bed, and closed the door quietly.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

"I can't believe it! Trudy's dead! They found her hanging from a tree by the riverside. She left a note. It just said: "Tell her I'm sorry. And tell Brady I love her. Trudy.". Hawk told me I could stay if I wanted, for the funeral, but I can't. To me, Trudy is still the woman who tried to kill me and ended up killing the man I loved instead.

I've been walking for hours now. I had something to eat before I left, but I'm getting hungry again. Bray must be too. I'll stop soon and have lunch. We won't make it back to the mall, or even the city, today, so there's no point rushing. I'll stop for the night in a barn I passed on the way to the Eco camp, then head on into the city tomorrow morning. It'll be good to see everyone again. Especially Jack."

XXXX

"It's been a week now and we still haven't heard from Amber. I guess we can only assume that she got to the Gaians safely and they let her stay. I remember her telling me what Hawk had said the last time she was there. I suppose Trudy may have persuaded him otherwise, although I guess that depends whether Trudy was in a bitter mood or a repentant one: she seemed to swing between the two so easily when she was still here.

It was scary, sometimes, knowing what she had done. Once you knew, you could see it affecting her. Every day she was a different person. Some days she would be in tears and would lock herself in her room, only coming out to get Brady something to eat or drink. Other days she would be insanely cheerful, like we were all living in the paradise Ram had tried to create in VR. Other times she would be angry, so angry you only had to look at her to get an earful. And if she noticed you were avoiding looking at her, you got an earful anyway!

I wonder if being with the Gaians has helped her at all.

I was no use. I couldn't talk to her about it. I didn't know what to say, or when to say it! I was no use at all!

I can't help hoping Trudy tells her. I know it's cruel, but if she did, Amber might come back. I suppose she would have done it by now, though. Knowing Trudy and the way she was afterwards, if she was going to tell Amber, she would have done it as soon as possible. If she decided not to, well, she'd try and hide it and Amber would notice. Trudy always was terrible at hiding when things bothered her and having Amber around so much would be too much of a reminder. She'd start cracking again and, without Jay to distract her, Amber would spot it a mile off!

I wonder how long it would take for her to say something.

If it takes two days to get to the Eco camp, and two days to get back, well, if Trudy told her immediately, she would be back already, so I guess Trudy can't have. So that means that she's keeping it to herself. That means she'll be acting strangely. How long before she's acting so strange that Amber notices something's wrong? A day? Maybe more, maybe less. How long after that before she says something? I don't know. Knowing Amber, she'd try to figure it out herself first, or maybe ask someone, like that Hawk guy. If she got nowhere then, and she probably wouldn't unless someone told her, and then Trudy would have had to tell them, then she would ask Trudy. So what? A day or two? More? How long do you leave it before having a possible row with the person who is closest thing you have to a sister-in-law? The closest thing you have to a sister?

I don't know. I guess it is possible, just possible, that Amber is with the Gaians and everything is fine. It's just so weird. Part of me is, worrying what could happen if she does find out, what she'll be going through; and the rest of me is sitting here _hoping_ that she finds out so that she'll come back to me.

To me?

To us.

To the mall.

What's wrong with me? Why am I thinking like this?"

XXXX

"I spent the night in the barn, like I planned, but I couldn't sleep. Not well, anyway. I dozed a bit. But every time I started drifting off it all just came flooding back. Bray slept peacefully at least. That's one thing, I suppose: he's too young to be affected by all this. Poor Brady. Perhaps I should have brought her back with me. But that's not the life Trudy wanted for her daughter. The Gaians will bring her up well. They can look after her better there than I could in the city.

But, do I really mean that? Or am I just trying to ease my conscience?

I couldn't bring Brady back to the mall. Not yet. Not with the memory of what her mother did still fresh in my mind. Hawk has the right attitude: never to judge people. I'm not like Hawk though: I keep judging everyone. Every second of every minute of every day I am judging people. I judge them on what they say, what they do, what they wear... whether I know them or not! It's one of my faults. I wonder how many people have judged me for it?

I can see the city now, at least. I'm getting closer to home. Home. Where my friends are. Well, what's left of them! Where, I guess, we grew up. Faster than we should have had to, but still, we grew up. Where Bray was... and Jack is."


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The saloon was quiet. The usual regulars had been fed and pushed out to find amusement elsewhere. Three of the tables had been pushed together to form one large surface, now covered by a series of tablecloths. Gabe sat at the head of the table, with Ruby opposite him at the far end, although there was some debate as to which end _was_ the head of the table. At the places in between sat Slade, Siva and Darryl on one side with Ebony, Lex and Salene on the other. The table was laid with bowls of vegetables and a plate of roast meat and the meal was fully underway.

"Could you pass the potatoes, babe?" Lex asked Siva, receiving a kick under the table from Salene before adding: "Please?"

Siva rolled her eyes and handed him the bowl before returning to her food. Ebony watched her in amusement. She had noticed that her sister had been in good spirits recently, much better spirits, in fact, than she had been in a long time, and now she thought she knew why. As she watched, Ebony noticed her sister glancing up sideways ad smiling. Sometimes Darryl would whisper something in her ear and her smile would broaden, or she would laugh.

Lex hadn't noticed, of course: Ebony noticed he was far too preoccupied with his food and Sal's progress through her own meal to be aware of what was going on right across the table from him. It appeared that no-one else had noticed either. Slade and "Gabe", Ebony's newly reformed and self-reinvented ex-husband, were deep in conversation about something or other and Ruby, in between rushing off to the kitchen to check on the dessert or do something else, joined in with Salene and Lex's conversation but rarely looked up at the rest of the table without having her gaze concentrated on her new husband at the far end.

It had been a quiet affair, the wedding. There was just the two of them, exchanging vows with no-one to officiate, and Ebony, Slade and the four others watching. There was no huge party, no great celebration for the wedding of the great Lord Ram! It must all seem pretty old, Ebony thought, _fourth_ time round! But then, that wasn't him any more. He kept insisting he had changed. He wasn't Ram any more: he was Gabe. He wasn't a wheelchair-bound bitter megalomaniac anymore, he was just a guy who loved a woman who loved him in return. Ebony smiled. He was right, she conceded: he had changed... a bit.

Eventually Ruby rushed off with the empty plates, followed by Siva and Darryl with the remaining vegetables and meat. Ruby came back with a pile of small bowls and tapped her fingers on the table while everyone awaited a strangely delayed Siva and Darryl returning with the desserts. When they did appear, a trace of a giggling fit still visible in siva, to her sister's eyes, Darryl bore a bowl of fruit salad while Siva carried a platter which contained something that looked like a large chocolate cheesecake or torte.

The meal continued in high spirits, mostly the girls praising Gabe on his ability to find enough chocolate for the torte, as it turned out to be.

"It wasn't me," he shrugged, "it was Sladey-boy here who did all the hard work!"

"Call it a wedding present," Slade smiled, looking from the others to Ebony, who was viciously attacking a large slice.

"Remind me to show you just how grateful I am later," Ebony smiled.

Slade grinned.

"Well, I do know a good way of working off all those calories!"

Ebony kicked him under the table, but grinned back all the same.

"Children, please!" Gabe sighed in mock desperation, "This is meant to be a civilised meal!"

XXXX

Amber reached the mall about dinner time that day. As she walked in, she found the place surprisingly quiet. She headed into the kitchen and found Gel and Sammy eating at one table, while Ryan and Alice sat at another, eating and talking quietly. Amber's heart jumped. Where was Jack? Had something happened to him while she was away? Had he tried to follow her and got lost?

"Amber!" Sammy cried, getting up and running across to meet her.

The others in the room also came over. Alice took Bray from Amber's arms. Ryan took her pack and coat. Gel and Sammy dragged her over to a chair and sat her down.

"What are you doing back here?" Alice asked, "I thought you had gone to the Eco camp for good!"

"Oh, things changed," Amber replied, deciding not to reveal just how much they changed while Sammy and Gel were present, "Where is everyone?"

"Patsy's eating in her room," Ryan began.

"Because she's grounded!" Alice finished.

"Luke and Ellie are fine, but they went back to the farm..."

"To see if they can get it running again."

"They only left this morning."

"She did remember who I was though."

"Finally."

"Jack's a bit cut up about it though."

"Where is he?" Amber cut into the relay of news that had left her feeling like an observer at a tennis match.

"Up on the roof," Alice shifted Bray's weight and took Amber's coat from Ryan, "why don't you go up and see if you can talk to him. He hasn't eaten all day."

Amber took the coat from Alice's outstretched hand and frowned at the knowing smirk on Alice's face before heading up to the roof. When she got there, she saw him sitting on the end of the walkway, as usual.

"Jack?" Amber called out across the roof.

"Amber!" Jack jumped to his feet and spun round but, in doing so, lost his footing on the walkway and slipped.

Amber ran forward across the roof and onto the walkway. Without even thinking of the fall below her, she continued straight to the end to where Jack was hanging onto the end of the railing.

"Please don't say 'I told you so'!" Jack remarked, dryly, as Amber pulled him back onto the walkway.

"Only if you promise never to do that to me again!" Amber scolded as they reached the comparative safety of the roof.

"I promise! Honestly, I do!" Jack dropped to his knees and looked up at Amber with his hands clasped, "Please forgive me!"

Amber laughed. It was the first laugh she had uttered since she had found out about Trudy.

"Get up! Don't be silly!"

"And just when I was getting good at it too!" Jack laughed, getting to his feet.

He was no sooner on his feet than he found himself enveloped in a hug. Wrapping his arms around Amber and resting his head on her shoulder, Jack returned the hug. When they finally pulled apart, he saw unshed tears in Amber's eyes.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked, his brow creasing with worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Amber lied, sniffing a little and blinking.

"No, you're not, Amber," Jack said, sitting her down on a nearby concrete block, "I know something's wrong."

"I guess. You'd never figure out what though!"

Amber sniffed, then looked round at Jack's face, surprised at his silence. She studied it for a moment and, as she did so, her expression changed. She frowned and backed away.

"You knew!" she cried, "You knew and you didn't tell me!"

Jack got up and grabbed hold of Amber's arm, pulling her round to face.

"What would have been the point?" he replied, "It was Trudy's place to tell you, not mine. You had too much to cope with just after Jay died and you needed to believe in her then. Then, after she left and you stayed, I figured there wasn't any reason to bring it up. Trudy was gone and, for all I knew, you'd may never see her again. You were just starting to get over Jay. I didn't want to bring it all up again."

Amber stared at him in silence for a long while.

"Trudy's dead," she said finally.

"What?" Jack's brow creased.

"After she told me, she hung herself. She left a note. It said 'Tell her I'm sorry'. I don't know whether she was apologising to me for what she did, or to Brady for what she was about to do! The note said 'Tell Brady I love her' too, so I presume the first bit was meant for me, but I don't know. I don't know if I can forgive her, Jack. Is that terrible?"

"No. You can't know. You don't have a crystal ball. Nobody knows what the future holds."

Jack stepped forward and drew Amber into his arms once more. She buried her head in his shoulder until she was sure that she wasn't going to burst into tears then moved so that her forehead rested against Jack's neck and closed her eyes. She could hear his heart beating, feel him breathing, smell his aftershave.

"So how are you?" Amber asked after a while, "I heard about..."

"I thought you would have. I figured that was why you came up here"

"Alice said you've been up here all day thinking about it."

"She's only half right," Jack replied.

"What do you mean?" Amber frowned without opening her eyes.

"Well, I've been up here all day, but I haven't been thinking about Ellie," Jack looked down and brushed a strand of hair away from Amber's face, "not for a long time."

Amber's eyes opened and she stared at the cement of the roof for a minute, taking in Jack's words and actions and what they might mean.

"Amber, say something?" Jack's voice pleaded.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Did I really just say that? I know I didn't exactly say it, but I basically just told Amber I'd spent the entire day, and more besides, thinking about _her_!

Does she understand?

Does she know what I meant?

Heck, how can she, I only just figured it out myself!

But what else can I say? I don't know how to make it any plainer.

I can't say the words. Not yet.

I just have to hope that she understands.

And that she feels the same!

What if she doesn't? She's my best friend. If she doesn't feel the same, surely I'll lose her! I couldn't bear it if I did! She might as well have let me fall back there.

But she didn't.

Not even with her fear of heights.

She didn't even hesitate!

Surely that means something?"

XXXX

"Did he really just say that?

More to the point, did he just mean... what I think he just meant?

Could he?

After all we've both been through, together and alone, no apart, we were never alone; it just felt like it. But after all that, could he really have those kind of feelings for me?

Or is it just wishful thinking?

Did his heart beat faster there?

Or am I just imagining it?

He wants me to say something. What? What can I say? I know what I want to say, but I can't. I don't know the right words.

What if I'm misreading the signs?

What if he means something else entirely?

What if I go blurting out things I shouldn't?

I could lose him.

I couldn't bear that. Not now.

Not now."


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"Congratulations!" Lex cheered, "Congratulations to Ruby and 'Gabe', and congratulations to Salene, for finishing her first full meal since she got ill."

Salene smiled. It was sweet of Lex to put it like that. Everyone in the room knew the state she had been in when Lex brought her to the saloon. Even some of the regulars knew the truth of her "illness"! But still, it was sweet of him to save her some of the embarrasment and it was sweet of him to notice her landmark acomplishment on a day like today, when so much else was going on around them.

"Thank you Lexy," Gabe nodded, "and now, before my wife and I retire for the night, we will end the festivities with the traditional throwing of the bouquet. I'm sure the superstition works just as well with paper flowers!"

Ruby climbed up a few of the stairs and, turning her back to ensure she didn't deliberately throw it to anyone in particular, threw the posy of paper roses over her head. Salene and Siva made a sporting vault for the bouquet, dissolving in a heap of giggles when they collided and landed on the floor, while Ebony stood stock still with her arms folded and was more than a little shocked when the small bunch of paper flowers sailed over her sister and Salene and hit her in the face. On impulse, she caught them as they dropped towards the floor.

Ruby, who had turned round again, Salene and Siva took one look at Ebony's face and burst into another fit of laughter, as did Gabe, Lex and Darryl. Slade was staring pointedly at the bouquet in Ebony's hands with his mouth half open. Ebony glanced up at him and gave a nervous laugh that said, plainly "Well, I didn't _mean_ to catch it!" and instigated another fit of laughter from the onlookers. Amidst the laughter, Slade came to himself.

"Well, you did say you were grateful for that chocolate!" he shrugged and, striding across to his girlfriend, hoisted her up over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, "Perhaps now's the time we see just how grateful!"

Lex, Salene, Gabe and Ruby watched as Slade carried a giggling and screaming Ebony up the stairs, past Ruby.

"Time we were abed, my love," Gabe said, stepping forward and taking Ruby's arm to lead her up the stairs and out of sight.

Lex and Salene watched them go before Lex turned round to see Siva and Darryl standing close together and talking quietly. As soon as he saw them, it hit home: that was why they always seemed to be missing at the same times! That was whose feet he heard going past his and Salene's doors in the early hours of each morning. Immediately, his face fell. He felt Salene's hand on his arm and he looked away, not wanting her to see whatever emotion his face would betray. Anger? Pain? Sorrow? Jealousy? He felt them all, though not as much as he thought he would have. Pulling out of Salene's grasp, he strode past the young couple and out of the saloon, into the night. It was half an hour before Salene found him in the barn.

"Lex?" Salen called through the darkness.

"I'm fine!" Lex retorted, in a voice which clearly stated that he wasn't!

"It's okay, it's just me."

Salene heard Lex sigh.

"I know, Sal. Come on in."

"I-I can't see you."

"What? Why not?" Lex could clearly see Salene standing outside the barn in the moon and starlight.

"It's too dark in there, Lex."

"Oh, right. Well, stay there. I'll come out."

Lex picked his way through the gloom. He knew his way around Liberty so well now that he hardly noticed the dark. When he reached Salene, out in the cool night air, he noticed fear in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I just don't like the dark too much. Silly, I know, but I don't know the shadows round here as well as I do in the city."

"It's okay. It's not silly. Come on, I'll show you something."

Taking Salene's hand, Lex led her to the top of the hill where they had buried Java. They stood there looking out across the view before them. Even in the dim light of the stars and the moon, they could see the city and, beyond it, the sea, reaching out to Hope Island in the distance and sparkling as if it had been strewn with diamonds.

"Funny how some things look even more beautiful at night," Salene murmured.

"Yeah," Lex replied, softly, looking straight at her, "it is."

XXXX

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned its back on you_

_Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart_

_I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you_

_It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold_

_When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take any more_

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can meand a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

XXXX

Night had fallen by the time Amber looked up into Jack's eyes, hoping against hope that she would see the confirmation there that she needed. The moonlight reflected in his dark eyes as he looked down at her, his expression worried and pleading.

Amber smiled. It was the only answer Jack needed. Slowly, gently, their lips met. Their first kiss was brief, gentle. Their second kiss was deeper and more lasting. The relief, the joy and the love they were feeling all poured into that kiss.

XXXX

_When you feel all alone_

_And a loyal friend is hard to find_

_You're caught in a one way street_

_With the monsters in your head_

_When hopes and dreams are far away and_

_You feel like you can't face the day_

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

_Because there has always been heartache and pain_

_And when it's over you'll breathe again_

_You'll breathe again_

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned it's back on you_

_Give me a moment please_

_To tame your wild wild heart_

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away with you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_I can mend a broken heart_

_If you need to crash then crash and burn_

_You're not alone._

_FIN_

_(Song lyrics from "Crash and Burn", by Savage Garden, written by Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones.)_


End file.
